The Lost Girl
by Lunatic Silver
Summary: She always though she had a better sense of direction. S1 ficlet, Anna centric.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _The Vampire Diaries_ nor its characters. They belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, The CW Network, and whoever else.

**Note/Warning:** Written around the time 1x17 originally aired.

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><p><strong>The Lost Girl<strong>

She's a sucker for guys like him. Lost.

It was never something she considered a weakness. Merely a soft spot. But they were the ones most easily controlled, the ones easiest to manipulate and use for the dirty work. No compulsion needed. Just some heated kisses, blood exchange, a new life, maybe a few wild nights in bed (or wherever they preferred).

They just worked out perfectly. Then they were always left behind. They had what they really wanted, and she'd gotten all she needed from them.

Boys weren't part of the big picture. Boys were just a means to an end. But it was the lost boys that served her purposes so well, and it was the lost boys that she always felt the sympathy for, the affinity for.

She knew what it was like. Drifting through life, going through the motions. No directions, no idea where you're going. She'd been there before. Without Mother, where was Annabelle? She'd been so lost before she had finally determined herself to work for a goal. She knew one day she would be able to free her mother. Why waste a second waiting for the opportunity to come? She would work for it, strive for it - she would make certain it happened whether opportunity just dropped on her or she had to wear it down and pin it to the ground.

The boys, she could give them purpose. Meaning. She could use them, and afterwards, they had immortality; they had plenty of time to kill figuring out where they were going. It wasn't with her though. It was never with her. She gave them a new life, a new path, but once they'd done all they could do for her, it was time to part ways. She'd done for them what she could, but she didn't feel like playing Mommy for a bunch of hopeless men who would rather be told what to do than fend for themselves.

Her soft spot gave her a fondness, but the fondness only lasted so long. She was quickly bored. They were simple; _too_ simple. In her mind, Anna was hardly complex, but she had plans, goals. She had centuries behind her, and centuries ahead, but they thought of the here, of the now. Even with potential eternity in front of them, they only thought about the moment.

It got old really fast.

And then there was Jeremy. Cute and floppy as she'd told him. He was a pawn in her plans, but he was one of the lost boys - a soft spot. She kept telling herself not to go soft, this time was different, she couldn't indulge in what had never before been a weakness.

But he was different by the time she had focused her attentions on him. He was finding his own path. He was striving to get himself on track, head off in the right direction. He could use some help maybe, but he would get it done no matter what.

She had suspicions why. She'd been there for months. She had seen how lost he'd been when she'd first arrived. It was almost too lost for her tastes - too pathetic, she told herself. She didn't think about dead parents, an abusive crush. She focused on a weak boy who was drowning himself to take the edge off his petty miseries.

Not that she could truthfully call them petty. Not even with her centuries of dealing with petty miseries and the raw deals.

Then things had changed, and she had a theory. But the compulsion couldn't have turned him into a completely different person. This was Jeremy without the baggage and the 'petty' miseries. This was Jeremy Gilbert, and he would have found his way back there himself, though it might have taken years.

She almost could admire him. She envied him a little, getting the boost - despite her own personal objections to compulsion.

But this was bad. She had a mission, her decades of planning and working toward her purpose, her goal - everything was in the last stages, she was at the crucial final moments. She couldn't indulge now. She could only play him, and play him she did.

Jeremy Gilbert was stubborn though, and even through her frustrations she enjoyed the challenge. He was pesky and irritating, but she kept drifting towards him. He infuriated her with his puppy dog eyes, his floppy hair, his innocence and ignorance. He also filled her thoughts almost constantly, and her soft spot was quickly becoming the weakness she had denied it to be.

She found herself losing her barely there interest in Ben - fading faster than it had with any other boy.

He had been the most obvious choice - though the town was not on short supply of lost boys. He had few connections really, he had a night job, he could be around the ones she needed him around, and the witch had been staring at Ben for far longer than he'd been a vampire. He was perfect - and he was gullible.

Anna had long since mastered her act of cute vampire with a crush and in need of a big, strong guy to help her out.

Ben wasn't different from the others. The offer of immortality grabbed him, hook, line, and sinker. A young and pretty vampire teacher was just the icing on his cake. He got jealous, of course, but it was more pride than affection.

She realized now he probably saw her weakness before she did. She kept denying it, fighting it. But she couldn't keep away from the Gilbert boy, and she was forming a much stronger relationship with him than necessary for her plans. She should have sensed Ben's jealousy, it should have sent an alarm off in her brain - but that weakness was blurring her vision, and the closeness of her plans coming to fruition blinded her completely.

Now though...now she'd succeeded. Ben was dead. Jeremy was alive. Mother was free. Anna was once again Annabelle, but she somehow didn't quite seemed to fit the role anymore. Once upon a time it hadn't been a role. It had been her, who she truly was.

Who was she now? Was she Annabelle anymore? Did that little girl exist? Was she simply Anna? Anna wasn't simple. She might truly be complex by now. She wasn't sure. She was confused, unsure of herself, of her place in this new world she was introducing her mother to. She watched her mother quickly adjust, become her old self - but despite Anna's joy at their reunion, it wasn't so easy to fall right back in line the same way she had done before.

No longer the innocent and doting daughter, she was second in command, her mother's right hand, and she could easily back her mother up even if Mother wasn't so sure. But she didn't want that life anymore, right? She just wanted to be that little girl again, yet she couldn't keep her mouth shut now, couldn't obey blindly like before.

Who was she?

Where was she?

_Once again, Anna's lost. And she's drifting back to Jeremy Gilbert._


End file.
